independence

So tonight I am all alone in the house (Gainesville house, not home house)
It is so weird! I have become so accustomed to being constantly surrounded by people, and being utterly dependent upon them. That has never been me. God is crazy like that. I spend my whole life trying to fool the world into thinking that I am independent and have it all together and I come to college and become a Christian and suddenly find myself saying "I need you" several times a day. I am a big girl, being alone for a night in the house doesn't scare me. I am not a horror flik fanatic, but I have seen enough to get freaked out if I let myself. But its all good in the hood. But I can't imagine being alone for much longer than that. In life, not living quarters.

I know some independence is good, and I feel like I have become much more independent than I was. Quite honestly I was not prepared for college in the least, but I have learned a lot since then. I feel like if I was forced to enter the "real world" tomorrow, I would be materialistically okay. I can shop for groceries, get my oil changed, do my laundry, and pay my bills on time. But I desperately need these next two years to continue to learn how to be a person. How to be a friend, a sister, a daughter, and overall a woman who glorifies God with everything she does. I scare myself everytime I think about the person I am now compared to who I was.

Two years and one week ago I walked across the stage at the Palm Beach County Convention Center, proudly wearing my NHS stoll and my Math and Spanish Honor Society cords and accepted my diploma. I knew the names of Henry VIII's wives but not what it means to be a Godly wife (don't get me wrong, I am still clueless. But maybe a little less so). I could write you a well planned essay (FCAT or AP style- your choice) but I couldn't hold a meaningful conversation (again, still working on that.) I could debate an issue into the ground but feared conflict and controversy. I could make you a complicated piece of jewlelry involving a casting machine, soldering, and stone settings, but I knew nothing of true beauty. I could spend hours in deep concentration, perfectly dissecting a shark or pig, but knew nothing of patiently waiting on the Lord.

High school made me a person. College is making me a human. I hope.

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:10-14